The first time I had cancer, it was not an easy trial. At all.
But this second time? worse.
However, here was my 'ah ha' moment as I wrote a friend today:
Do we ever deserve the trials or blessings we receive?
Having cancer again has been beyond difficult. I have been really struggling emotionally and spiritually. I’ve felt punished. I know I’m not perfect—I don’t read my scriptures every day since having kids. I don’t always say meaningful prayers. And heaven knows I have a short temper and speak before thinking. But does that mean I should get cancer?
I go to church. I pay tithing. I am faithful to my husband. I hold the door for strangers, and say please and thank you. I have a whole list of things I do that are in line with keeping the commandments.
But does that mean I should not get cancer?
No it doesn't.
Onto logistics, and for record keeping's sake, surgery is possible. It is scheduled for June 17th. My mom is coming into town on the 15th and will take care of me and my crazies for two weeks. Thank you, Mom. I couldn't do this without your help.
Brandon is still job searching, but I feel peaceful that there is something on the horizon for us. For now, he's working locally at a personal injury/medical malpractice firm.
Shoot me now, but the suburb we're in is capturing my heart. ohdeargoodness. Never thought I'd say that. If we stay here we hope to stay in our congregation for another year, but if this area becomes permanent we plan to move even further from Dallas where there is a little bit more room to breathe. I miss mountains. I miss the country. Texas can't give me mountains, but 15 more miles north and I can get some curvy, farm lined roads.
I have friends. Good ones. My little boys have friends. The last two nights Aaron slept from 10:30pm until 4:30am, ate, and didn't get up again until 7:30am. What is it about 12ish weeks when babies just suddenly become doable?
The Ergo has helped me return a little bit of cleanliness to my house. So worth the money.
Today I was able to open my windows for three hours because it was cool enough. Otherwise, Texas is already getting hot and we go swimming every day.
Yesterday was my 5th wedding anniversary. It seems like we've been married much longer than that.
Derek is obnoxiously disobedient, but I do love that he is so fiery. He is his mama.
Payton is enrolled in a preschool for this fall.
We still only have one car and it is a hardship.
Aaron is cooing. Be still my heart.
Loan payments suck.
|Here Brandon's hard working at midnight, job searching, while Aaron sleeps on his back.|
Multitasking to the max.